Allow me to be self centered for my own blog.
I just want the world to fast forward to when it's ok to breathe again.
The world truly will not let me rest.
June: boss leaves Malaysia promising me a spot in the podium project.
August: my colleague who is scheduled to leave for the podium project is informed to stay longer in this project longer - of which she promptly lost the spot for said project cos they can't afford to wait.
We call our old boss (he went back to Korea) and I find out my spot has been taken too.
Essentially - I will have no job after this project.
September: While I seethe over the fuckery of August, project manager tells me I'm gonna be included in the org chart for this upcoming project.
October: due to the covid situation, we find out the prospective client cannot finance the new project. Boss tells me my contract will be due end December, while he tries to find me a spot in other ongoing projects.
No news.
Job seeking commences.
November: I get my contract termination letter. Job seeking continues. Boss informs Project A will contact me soon.
Advertise my contract termination to whoever will listen - gets offer from subcon. Terms are nice.
Went for an interview somewhere else but the terms were meh.
Gets contacted by Project A.
The above all occured within 2 weeks. I am mentally and emotionally exhausted.
December: COVID SCARE that delays all my plans for 2 weeks. Signs offer from subcon during quarantine cos it's not like I have anything else more attractive lined up.
Goes back to work and tells boss my leave plans. Confirms I will not sign any extension cos I already got an offer somewhere else.
Spends some time in bliss cos the Koreans can't believe I didn't wait for them (sometimes I feel like contracts really are nothing to them lol I can't spend my time in agonizing wait forever)
Now I'm stressed out because:
- Covid numbers are rising and therefore it is literally not safe anywhere anymore. I used to be more passive about contracting the disease in the beginning, but after
some rational thoughtreading some tweets, I realize I really don't want my parents to die from this. - If the rumours are true and MCO really is announced next week, it will definitely go longer than 2 weeks. Will I even get paid in February??? They told me it's ok but will it really?????
- Am I even making the right choices??
- If I stayed in my current company, I might have a more stable income. But the future is unclear. They keep saying the prospective project will be signed soon but with the pandemic going on in the background and the finicky client...nothing can be said with what will happen.
- If I join the subcon....I will be a subcon lol but their offer is currently higher than what my current place can offer me. And I'll be able to learn stuff from a close knit team.
But I also have a feeling they're hiring me to be a glorified clerk (ie being a translator)
Also, these people keep going out!! The project director is meeting his penang friends as we speak!! Penang numbers are no joke too!!!!???? What if there's no MCO and I join them and (god forbid oMG) then I get another covid scare??????????? - This is really vain but my skin condition has been so terrible lately I have 0 confidence when going out now haha even with the mask on I feel disgusting.
When I take it off to eat, I feel like everyone's judging me. - I'm a horrible person?? I don't know why I'm like this. Why am I such a bitch sometimes I don't get it. Why do I hate everything? How do I stop?
- My period is late?? I'm bloated af everyday now and I haven't been able to wake up at all (I keep sleeping over the noise of my alarm??? This never happens consecutively????)
What is going on?
When will it end?
I just want the world to fast forward to when it's ok to breathe again.