I know it's essential and it's part of life and shit and I accept that but the thing is I AM DOING WHAT I CAN OKAY. And I don't even get any encouragement I just get sceptical looks. It's taking a toll of my self-confidence. 

And everyone in my class sleeps for like, one hour lol I sleep at 12am. I feel so insecure like why are you guys all awake and I'm like, sleeping!? I feel like I'm not putting enough effort into the shit that I do. 

I hate the lecturer sometimes, but it's the ones you hate that makes you a better person. That sucks,  cos I really want to hate her but what she's doing is really for the best. Maybe if I don't look at her face when she talks I'll feel better. And it's like a group assignment but she's directing the criticism at me. Like ;__; my self-esteem is low enough already..

Then I think about how if I can just get this year over with, degree will bring more focus into what I'm doing. IT IS GOING TO BE WORTH IT. I just have to get through this year. Like, I'm already halfway done. I'm already in pain, I might as well get something in return for it right?

Argh.