Maybe Nate wasn't meant to be. Maybe this was just a trick. Maybe this was a lesson from above.
Maybe it's just karma.
Sometimes when I look at the pictures that I had with Nate, my heart clenches in pain. I won't spend a second with him anymore, all the hugs and kisses, all the surprises he gave, they were just memories to haunt me at night.
When I look at the happy moments, I smile a bit. Knowing that Nate, wherever he was now wouldn't want me to cry over petty things like that. Knowing that Nate would want me to be able to see the sun shine every morning with a smile. Knowing that if were watching me, he would want me to live life as it is.
When I think of all the moments where we argued, I feel regret. We argued over the smallest and simplest of things, things that weren't fighting over for.
I kept all the letters he sent me in an old tin box under my bed. All the stuffed plushes I got from him sat on my bed, their fur stained with my tears when I hugged them while I cried. The necklace with a Sun hung on my neck. It was to symbolize the day we met - at the beach on a hot Summer day.
We would always see the sun rise or sun set when we could. He'd knock on my door and I'll creep down careful not to wake my parents up. We'd drive to the hill and climb up a bit to see the sun rise. Or sometimes when we weren't sprawled on his bed talking about everything, we'd go to the beach with a cloth to watch the sun set. We would then lie on the sand in each other's arms for hours, neither of us wanting to let go.
But those were just memories now.
I drove to the beach with the tin box. There was a cliff where some people would jump down for fun at night. Nate and I thought it was stupid, but we both secretly had a desire to jump too. I heard that someone died once when the rope broke, but no one had confirmed the rumour. The cliff was high, almost two stories high. Some people brought spray paint cans to etch their name in, to show that they've been there. It was a sign of courage, apparently.
Some people just don't value their life.
I walked up the cliff, tin box in hand. One by one, I let the letters float with the wind into the ocean. The letters flew in the air as the sun was going down.
Maybe somehow, the letters would find their way to Nate's uncovered body.
The wind became stronger, and somehow in the surreal moment, I saw Nate.
He was floating in the air. I could see him reaching out for me, but it wasn't enough. I stepped on tip-toes, my arm outstretched to touch him. To feel him again. To be in his arms.
He was smiling, but his eyes were sad. He was soaking wet, his hair mapped to his head. "Katie..." he breathed. It was euphoric, the way his voice sounded. Like the twinkle in the star, light and bright. It could have been mistaken for the wind, they blended well.
I wanted so bad to touch his face, to wrap myself in his arms. Somehow in the middle I lost my footing and I fell towards Nate. We fell down the cliff, hand in hand. I felt the sharp stones pierce my skin, but I was with Nate, my happiness and relief overcame all the pain.
I was bleeding from all the scratches. It was happening so fast, falling. I couldn't see anything but swirls of colours. Nate was looking at me, with a smile. "I love you, Katie.." he breathed and as I fell to the sharp rocks of the sea, we kissed. I felt the stones running through my body as we just lay there, kissing. Slowly, everything started fading away. The water rushed through my body as my body floated with it, my spirit floating up with Nate.
We were finally together.