I read other people's blogs and I feel shallow, maybe a little too shallow for my own good, that people talk about their feelings and I'm just settled in my sofa crease watching a bunch of people do things that don't really matter in a long run

Sometimes I feel like maybe I feel too much, and then I hear what other people say and I see what other people post, and I realize that maybe I don't feel enough

Yesterday we saw my cousin and her baby in the supermarket, and my mom made a little offhand remark about how I'm the aunt who feels nothing, and I just want to scream that I do, I do feel, and my feelings are showcased on my face anyway so is there really a point in saying it out loud

Once someone in class asked, "E zhen has feelings?" and at that moment all I wanted to do was throw something at his face, just enough that the person feels something, and maybe just enough that he falls flat on the ground and doesn't wake up in five hours.

Because no matter how little people talk about it, everybody has feelings.
And everybody has a different way of dealing with them. Some people get pissed drunk, some people cry, I just wallow in my self-made ball of stress for an hour, or until it stops attacking me

I realize I have a violent way of dealing with anger, but with these over-sized fists that are connected to hardly any muscle mass, I'm not very dangerous, but god-damn I want to hurt something. I want to sucker punch people so hard they crack their skulls, I want to be able to pelt broken pieces of glass into their eyes, and plunge a cork-screw through the base of their jaw until it goes through their mouth. I want to break open skulls and pour acid over their brains. I want to rip open their organs one by one. I want to burn what they love most and watch them suffer without it as they go on with life, and maybe end their own on their own will.

So as you can see,
maybe I feel too much that the anger swallows my mind whole.

And maybe in five years time I'll regret this post lol