I'm so accustomed to writing emails I almost started this post with "Dear all," lol

But hey! I just checked the last date of posting and it's been an entire year??? Now that we're stuck in a quarantine, it warrants hauling out my laptop and charger haha still didn't replace the battery cos I can't bear to split with 500 bucks for a new one so I'm running on DC.

Even though I spend 500 bucks on sneakers no problem now #millenialissues

Man, so much happened but it seems like nothing now. I'm still with the same company, still pondering my existence in this world every passing moment.

The end of 2019 was one of the darker moments - I found myself crying in front of the screen when work started based on the sheer thought of doing all this for the next 10??20?? years of my life. Like, is this really what I want to do with the rest of my life??

I blame this mini crisis for my increased caffeine consumption lol I spend about 200 bucks a month on iced coffee cos I can't start work happy without some indulging. Though I try to limit myself to one iced coffee maximum every other day haha

It's not like I hate anybody I work with (although truthfully sometimes they drive me up the wall with their inconsistencies and lack of work ethic);

I think mainly, I'm just really bored with what I'm doing.

I'm not really making a huge difference, nor am I actually growing anymore. Now, I'm just here to finish the job lol and I've always had an issue with finishing anything.

When I first joined this job, I fluctuated between "yeah! I'm gonna finish this project and it's gonna look great on my portfolio! I'm gonna go places!!" and "oh my god what am I doing with my youth"


And okay, in one of my darkest moments of working with the company, I suddenly got the opportunity to go to the head office in Seoul and it was a pretty cool experience. But it makes one question - what next? This is as good as the company is gonna offer me; I have no future in this company cos a) I'm not Korean, b) I don't speak Korean, and c) I'm not really obedient 100% of the time and I don't think I can survive in their culture lol it's so limiting! I want to speak my mind! I want to have opinions!

And okay, so you're gonna tell me to find a new job already and put myself out of this misery.

But truthfully? I'm working for the cash now. As much as we complain about the company, it's not like they treat us like shit lol how many places can match your salary, guarantee a bonus and increment, and feed you so much shit every few months (literally, there's a staff welfare budget lol we get random Haagen Dazs or imported fruit)??? And the people I work with (ok, just a small percentage haha) know their shit and I get to learn new stuff.

But is it time to move on? Broaden my horizons?

Brad Leone - my main crush from the BA test kitchen

I've been watching Bon Appetit videos a lot (even before this quarantine) and like, this is what I envision my life to be! Brainstorming and creating with people like me but not like me (generally, architects tend to be....really pretentious....or I just lack the ~sense~ idk)

At the same time... I can barely mince garlic hahahahahahahaha
And I also hate so many food groups........ I'll probably be a really shit chef on the basis that I dislike so many things and for the things that I like, I'm really particular with how I like them

So really, what is my calling?? I'm not particularly good at anything? I can't finish anything I start cos I get distracted lol I don't know what these articles about Tauruses are on when they say we're finishers cos I generally don't finish anything I start lol except for the ones that can be finished in one day.

Case in point, I'm bored of writing lol

Bye!