Wow the last I posted was 6 months ago 

Thinking back at how I used to post something every single day, makes me feel so old haha 

don't blog as much anymore cos I just unload my feelings on Whatsapp 

And cos I have so much rage within me (see note: my spirit is a 60 y/o uncle ala Ove from A Man Called Ove), I tend to split it between 4-5 groups...but I can tell people are getting tired of it haha case in point, Verinia told me to get a life and stop dwelling on things so much

Not gonna lie, it hurt a little, but I totally understand why people would feel this way hahaha I know how it feels being on the receiving end of constant nagging about ~annoying things

I wish I had a larger threshold for people's "quirks" (usually it's general idiocy/ laziness) 

I make myself feel better by saying it means I have a more boss attitude for life (shut up), but really I probably just really do need a life.

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Been having drops in my mood recently (usually occurring around my period...) cos all I feel is varying amounts of empty inside. I guess this is what those sad poetry mean when they say you're just a shell - all hollow inside.

I don't know what I'm doing here. Every day I wake up, go to work and then go home. There is literally nothing I can do, or dare to do, cos of the whole covid situation. 

I mean, I can't blame my lack of life on covid, but it certainly isn't helping!!! I'm already anti-social! I'm already cripplingly awkward around people! Ugh

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This morning I went to the sky garden one level down from the site office to menikmati air segar but there were workers lurking around so I felt awkward (workers tend to stare a lot lol it's quite creepy) so I just walked around and U turned back. 

In the short 5 minutes walking, my eyes got a little wet for no reason at all. I just got hit by a sudden wave of feels for nothing.

It was like a culmination of sadness and total nothingness. 

I'm 24 and I have no life.

This is so depressing.

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The people in the office want to know why I don't have a boyfriend

People who know me for longer have probably accepted the fact that I will be the way I am forever

Me?

I don't know lol it's not that I'm strictly against having a partner, I just haven't really developed anything beyond crushes, cos the people I like don't like me, and the people who do, I just cannot bring myself to like lol 

I'm just destined for a life alone at this point hahaha 

It just concerns me cos the people around me are gonna slowly get married off and soon I will truly be alone, cos everybody would be even more busy with their personal family lives to entertain my regular rages lol no one will be there to even send sticker responses to my texts

Maybe I need a hobby? But what?

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Last month, the company realized the project they've been eyeing has been put on hold (agAIN) till the indefinite future (rumor has it, it'll be reopened April 2021, but the insiders I know are being transferred to other departments, so probably not....) 

and so, they've starting sending termination letters out. A whole bunch of people are gonna leave end November/ December... 

My boss told me I would've been let go end November, but he extended it to December.

Two weeks ago, he told me to send him my CV so he can try to land me in another project.

So far? No news yet - typical of this company I'm in lol they literally tell you nothing until the absolute last minute.

Which is why it's really frustrating if I stay - I'll have to endure their shitty management and planning for even longer.

The pros? They have the backup money to pay us our salaries

The cons? I probably won't learn much except subordination lol 

Trying other places now but nothing back yet.... I'm quite concerned.

Please pray for me