Little kids ran out of their classrooms as I walked back from my last day of school. A year went by, slow and suffocating as each day passed, but when I turned around, it fades away and passed. Summer was here and it would be a matter of time until the temperature goes up as the Sun would blaze heatedly again. It would remind me of the tragic tale that would replay in my mind no matter how hard I try to forget.
Sometimes, maybe I just don’t want to forget.
A red helium balloon floated past me as I heard a little girl wail.
‘Mommy,’ she cried. ‘My balloon!’
I ran to the middle of the street and leaped high to grab the string of the balloon. Cars honked and screeched to a stop before it hit me. Ignoring their curses, I returned the balloon to the little girl.
Her Mother looked at me with her eyes wide open; shocked, angry. ‘Are you insane?’ she yelled. ‘You could’ve died!’
‘I can’t,’ I replied with a smirk. ‘There’s someone up there that wouldn’t let me.’
That was true. No matter how hard I tried; cutting my wrists, leaping off high places, I just couldn’t die. The pain will never fade away and I will always be reminded of that day.
Death was a funny thing, sometimes a bit unfair. One day Aaron was here, the next he wasn’t. I will wake up in the morning, eat my cereal and sitting by the kitchen counter, waiting for him to knock on the door.
Any minute now, he’ll come.
But I’ll eat my cereal, perched on the stool in the kitchen. It would be night time and I’ll still be there waiting for him to come.
But he never did.
Sometimes, out of the corner of my eye, I would see his shadow and spin around, my heart beating fast. But I always end up disappointed because, of course, he wouldn’t be there.
When I heard his name being called, I’ll still turn and look even though I know it wouldn’t be him. His every smile, every laugh, every frown will never leave my mind. It was hard, knowing that I wouldn’t see him again, that I wouldn’t wake up in the middle of the night because he was pelting pebbles on my bedroom window. That I wouldn’t have another call, another text, another kiss from him,
Mom and Dad always tried to be brave, to always smile at me encouragingly. I’ll give them a weak smile and retreat to my room. I’ll try not to cry, because it would be the last thing he would want me to do. I’ll try to convince myself that he never happened, that every single moment with him was just a dream.
But how can I lie to myself like that? No matter how hard I tried to forget, the memories were etched in my mind, never forgotten.
A few months after he passed away, I mustered enough courage to visit him. Roses in one hand, I made way among the rows and rows of tombstones in C.H. Wagner Memorial Hill until I reached his.
Vines curled around his tombstone like a frame, his name carved into it.
Aaron Eugene Grayson.
I left the roses top of the stone before sitting down in front of it, my fingers brushing against his name.
Sometimes, a sparrow will be perched on my shoulder when I was here. I would talk to him while it sang songs to me. Sometimes when I couldn’t help myself and cried, it would be perched on the tombstone cocking its head looking at me with its eyes.
Whenever I reached the bridge that connected the cemetery and the park, I’ll look down at the rushing water passing by. I would think of climbing over the wooden rail into the thunderous water but the sparrow will miraculously be there, pulling on my sleeve.
From then on, I figured that wherever Aaron was, he was watching over me, making sure I stayed very much alive, helping me cope with the pain without him there.
I’ll go to the park and sit on the swings without anyone behind me pushing. I’ll sit by the lake when I felt like crying because I missed him too much. I’ll sit on the benches eating ice cream alone, reminiscing the times he would hold my hand, how perfect his hand just fit with mine.
Once when I was sitting by the lake, my feet dipped in the cool water, I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks. I was sitting here when I first met Aaron. It was a relatively hot day so he ripped his shirt off and dipped into the water. I remember looking at him swim until he noticed me. He came over and that we hit off.
I was starting to cry really hard, with my tears mixed with the stray snot, when I felt someone touch me. I spun around, to see Aaron squatting behind me, his hand on my shoulder.
‘Aaron…?’ I asked in disbelief. Was everyone wrong? Was Aaron’s corpse…not him? My hand reached out to touch his face but it just went through him. The tears were still streaming down my face, and he frowned. His hand went from my shoulder to my cheek, wiping my tears away. His touch was cool against my skin, like ice.
‘Don’t cry,’ his voice was like a soft whisper, almost blending in with the wind.
‘Aaron…’ I whispered almost as softly. ‘I miss you so much,’ I sobbed.
He smiled a sad smile and hugged me from behind. I didn’t move, afraid that he will evaporate into thin air. His chin rested on my shoulder as he whispered into my ear. ‘I miss you too, Jess,’ His lips pressed softly against my neck.
It confused me, about him being there by my side… He wasn’t really there, but I just felt his presence, like a strong aura. His every touch was like a soft blow of air, almost not there.
‘Why did you have to go,’ I asked, the tears never stopped.
‘I don’t know,’ he whispered, trailing soft kisses along my neck. He stopped by my ear. ‘But promise me something, Jess,’
‘What?’
‘That you’ll be strong.’ He whispered into my ear.
‘I can’t, Aaron,’ I said, my hands itching to touch him but remained on my lap. ‘You’re not here,’
‘I am,’ his hand reached out to my chest, to my heart. ‘I’ll be here, guiding you.’
We remained silent for a few seconds, his words sinking into me. His touch on me was almost magical, like sparks flowing through my veins. I opened my mouth to reply but his touch was gone.
It was too late. He was gone.
Slowly, my hand reached out to my heart, the last place he touched. I smiled bitterly.
I’ll be here guiding you.
Just then, I heard a bird chirp. I looked down beside me to see the sparrow perched on a stone, its eyes looked at me as though it could look into my soul.
I held out my finger for it to sit on, and I brought it in front of me.
‘You’re following me aren’t you,’ I asked.
‘I don’t know if you’re Aaron or not but thank you for being with me.’ I sniffed. ‘I’m okay now, you can go,’
I held my hand high, jerking for it to fly away but it stayed there chirping violently at me, nipping at my skin. It circled around my head, giving out agonizing cries.
Until this day, the sparrow still followed me around. I left my window open at night, knowing that it’ll find its way here in the morning. It slept in its nest every night but somehow, it’ll be sitting on my window sill every morning when I wake up, chirping a good morning. Throughout the day, it’ll be following me, flying at my pace.
When I was at school, it would be on school grounds looking for food and coming back to my side when recess came. Whenever I cried at night when I started missing Aaron or had another nightmare about his death, it would come through my window and drop a red rose at the foot of my bed.
Deep down inside me, I believed that the sparrow was Aaron, watching after me, guiding me through the paths of life.
Yeah not continuing it lol I don't do long stories. I just felt like writing this. It's actually like sorta a spin off of this story on Wattpad. "Late Summer Rain" by AubreyEatsHearts. This is like, an edited version of that :P so, yeah. Not an original idea, but I guess I started being emotional reading that story cos it was so sad. When I was writing this, I was listening to MCR's "Cancer" and "Disenchanted" and I started crying hysterically lol I'm so weird.
SO YEAH. Bye. :P
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