This entire week has been a roller coaster of frustration for my emotional stability I can't even-

I hate that two subjects involve acting like what is the fucking point of this? Why do we need to publicly humiliate ourselves to act out what we can verbally express anyway!?!? IS THIS ARCHITECTURE OR AN ACTING ACADEMY GDI why does this lecturer enjoy making us do shit that doesn't matter in the end WHY DO WE GET GRADED ON HOW WELL WE ACT INSTEAD OF WHAT WE WANT TO CONVEY WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS STRUCTURE.

He also mentioned something about Key Performance Indicators and he raised some examples about his own, that when he received our student feedback someone said about his obvious favoritism. Well it's all me. I'm very glad HOD passed the message along.

my design tutor is funny but god he can be so sarcastic lol ignore that and focus on his message and you'll be fine. Except when he talks to you he tends to stare at you too long and repeats what he's saying cos he thinks you didn't get it lol it's creepy in a very hamsap way

When I get home I expect to fully relax. Instead I get my mother waking me up from my naps just to shower or look at more cheongsams I am so fucking sick of looking at cheongsams you will not understand it

her side of the family got into their heads to take a full family photo cos my Taiwanese relatives are coming back for CNY as well so it's a ~big thing~ and also to take a (and quite possibly last, hopefully not but we have to be real here) photo with my grandmother

so my cousin proposed that we all have a theme. The shit started from there lol I'm not sure which one I prefer, the rainbow catastrophe or the whole cheongsam shit.

I understand the importance of having a theme so it looks more cohesive on print but gdi is this all they care for? Bloody aesthetics!? And when I raise questions about it people just shut me down -_- it doesn't help that everyone's-favourite cousin proposed the whole thing in the first place

this is the same cousin who won't give up her seat for my mother or willingly help her own mother carry her shopping bags even though it's fucking basic manners. Not to brag or look for attention but gdi I may scold my family for their inefficient antics but I am the one who will open doors for them carry their bags for them stand up so they can sit down I am the one who doesn't expect any gifts in return BUT DOES ANYONE EVER NOTICE THIS?! NO. THEY REMEMBER MY BAD TEMPER THEY REMEMBER HOW I'M NOT BABY FRIENDLY. Instead the cousin who could really grow some manners and balls gets showered with all the gifts this is my 命运 in that household. I don't want material things I just want to be noticed for the good stuff that I do too.

So recently this drama has been floating around Facebook and Twitter; the whole kids sitting on the ~*cold hard ground*~ debate

My immediate response was that parents nowadays are getting really ridiculous and finding a million faults in schools that are otherwise not problematic to begin with. I mean, is the ground they're sitting on wet? (Don't think so)
Besides, it builds character doesn't it? It's not like they're being forced into child labour, it's just making them sit on the exposed ground!!

Then I went back to my primary school days and I realised that I had it better than them lol maybe it's cos I'm from a Chinese school and most of the parents there are all generous and/or rich?? I don't know but I remember during perhimpunan, we sat on tiled floors, because:

1. there's an actual dedicated space for perhimpunan
2. We actually use said space
3. I don't know how schools work but I suppose we had more money to pay for electricity??

YOU SEE?? GOT TV SUMMORE. Where did the money come from srsly

the canteen where one day we found a frog in the longkang AND THE CANTEEN UNCLE JUST KILLED IT?!?!?!?! e__e

they changed the ceiling lights since I've left, and installed better doors =_=

I used to jaga this spot; it was a very sad time for me lol five minute rehats T__T I hated it

I read other people's blogs and I feel shallow, maybe a little too shallow for my own good, that people talk about their feelings and I'm just settled in my sofa crease watching a bunch of people do things that don't really matter in a long run

Sometimes I feel like maybe I feel too much, and then I hear what other people say and I see what other people post, and I realize that maybe I don't feel enough

Yesterday we saw my cousin and her baby in the supermarket, and my mom made a little offhand remark about how I'm the aunt who feels nothing, and I just want to scream that I do, I do feel, and my feelings are showcased on my face anyway so is there really a point in saying it out loud

Once someone in class asked, "E zhen has feelings?" and at that moment all I wanted to do was throw something at his face, just enough that the person feels something, and maybe just enough that he falls flat on the ground and doesn't wake up in five hours.

Because no matter how little people talk about it, everybody has feelings.
And everybody has a different way of dealing with them. Some people get pissed drunk, some people cry, I just wallow in my self-made ball of stress for an hour, or until it stops attacking me

I realize I have a violent way of dealing with anger, but with these over-sized fists that are connected to hardly any muscle mass, I'm not very dangerous, but god-damn I want to hurt something. I want to sucker punch people so hard they crack their skulls, I want to be able to pelt broken pieces of glass into their eyes, and plunge a cork-screw through the base of their jaw until it goes through their mouth. I want to break open skulls and pour acid over their brains. I want to rip open their organs one by one. I want to burn what they love most and watch them suffer without it as they go on with life, and maybe end their own on their own will.

So as you can see,
maybe I feel too much that the anger swallows my mind whole.

And maybe in five years time I'll regret this post lol

Sometimes I wonder if my college friends read my blog lol I know some do or did anyway, BUT DO YOU STILL?? Cos things are kinda awkward with some, probably because I ranted out loud again lol I never truly know how I offend people sometimes I just know I did because they suddenly stop talking and smiling at me haha you win some you lose some I guess

Went for my first CF event yesterday with Genie to meet Jelly cos she opened a booth!

 My CF loot:

*reads friends' blogs*

My life is stale and boring haha nothing happens except me complaining and offending 80% of the studio's population.
Have been obsessing over BTS for a little over a month now so as you can see this contributes further to the pace (what pace) of my life
The only exciting thing to happen to me so far is probably...
nope

I'm going to die a boring person, alone
BUT NOT SAD.
BECAUSE THIS LIFE OF MINE
IS ONE THAT I CHOSE TO LIVE.


I'm too lazy to move.