Whenever I read my old posts, and my old journals and diaries, I feel like slapping myself.
I was so...dramatic and immature. I can't believe I let myself write all that! I can't believe I actually wrote those things down without shuddering. Okay, maybe I did. Cos I think I'm born with a good sense of what's disgusting and what's not. Like for example, your grandmother's underwear is disgusting; eating melted chocolate with your fingers is disgusting, but delicious ;) and... yeah.
Anyway, I also noticed that I am so..desperate. I mean, if you read my blog through and through, I had some pretty shit times in form one. Maybe cos everyone's like just thirteen and feeling grown up or maybe it's just because I need time to adapt to new situations or maybe, maybe I'm just more obnoxious than usual to people I've never met.
I remember doing and saying some things that I never meant, that I did at the heat of the moment. I did those things, I said all those things because I had this need to impress people. But I just couldn't do it cos no one's ever interested or someone's just better.
And I don't know about you, but I don't really like being second-best. Unless it can't be helped, like for example, getting worse grades than my friends. They can't help being so smart, and I'm just..lazy :P I admit guilty to that part.
BACK TO THE TOPIC.
Growing up, I suppose I can say I've changed a little.
Okay, so I'm still that temperamental bitch, but I toned it down a lot! And I'm still obnoxious with guys (don't ask) but I'm working on that. I don't like to be TOO nice to guys you know? Especially if I don't like them in that way. I don't want to be super close to one guy and end up screwing things up...so no. So it's best if I can just be myself and maintain good friendships with the opposite sex, but we all know how impossible that can be right?
Besides, I'm way too young. Yes, I am 16 and I'm saying I'm too young to be in a relationship with someone. I realise that because I am too young. My parents will never allow it, and besides, I'm way too busy to care about someone else too much. It wouldn't be fair to him right?
And also because I basically can't do much with a guy anyway. You can't do much in school, because I'm pretty by the book. Just because I don't pin up the hair on my sides doesn't mean I'm a hardcore rule breaker (so disciplinarians of SMKSM, I hope you're reading this.) because I can confidently say that teachers like me because I'm such a suck-up to people.
You have to be a good suck up if you're me, considering the amount of people I offend in my life lol.
I also cannot have a boyfriend because what would be the point in that? It's not like we're getting married or anything. And we're just break up eventually when we graduate! Why purposely hurt yourself that way? It's pretty stupid if you ask me.
However, if you ARE in a relationship, please do not break up with your partner upon reading this. I'm not trying to break anyone up here. I'm just stating facts on why I don't think I should have a significant other right now.

Growing up.
Sometimes, you look back and you mentally face-palm yourself over things that you've said, things you've done..basically anything! But you can't really help it can you?
I mean, isn't that what growing up is all about? Making harsh decisions when you're younger, and a couple of years later when you look back, you can think, 'I've grown so much!'
You never really stop growing, and you never really stop learning new things.
Which is why I'm not ending my life here. I want to live my life the way I say so. So what if I screw up in some certain aspect? It's not the end of the world until I say so.