Third world country first world problems

by The Queen - 3:17 PM

Unlike most course admissions, if you want to get into an accredited architecture school, you'll have to pass a series of interviews and tests. You know what they ask? Your favourite architectural masterpiece, your favourite architect, who designed what, and types of architectural styles.
After you pass that you have to pass the impromptu art test. They give you a theme and you draw it out for them. If they like it, you get into the third round. If they don't, take a hike.
Pass all two rounds? YOU'RE UP FOR THE INTERVIEW. They ask you what they asked in the first test but in detail. Apparently it's a confidence test.
Accredited architecture schools are mostly public universities. Do you know how hard it is to get into public universities if you're not Bumiputera? Sure they say there are non-bumis now BUT HOW MUCH ACTUALLY GET IN? Please, don't make me laugh. I don't see non-bumis in their website. And if there is, that's probably the only non-bumi they have lol.
Get into the college and battle the courses. Your creativity is tested every week. Lots of people quit. I can't afford to quit.
Private universities only offer Part 1. I want to get Part 2 too dammit. If you want part 2, you'll have to go overseas.
Whenever people come, I'll have to tame my dog. I feed my dog in the weekdays. I basically monitor the dog during weekdays. And my brother says no one helps when it comes to the dog.
I don't think I'm going to the edu fair.
I'm still not sure about architecture. Whenever I talk about it, my family gives me that "...oh." look.
Don't talk to me about passion. My passion? To be able to afford the material things I want. Because I am not a tumblr girl, I do not engulf myself in "deep feels", I do not lust after enlightenment every moment of the day, I do not think about how I can change the world for the better. I think about shoes, pens, clothes, food all.day.long. Call my superficial, whatever. I already know I am.
I want to go to edu fair, but at the same time I don't want to. I think a big part of wanting to go is because my parents don't seem to be concerned at all whether or not I go to college. The only thing that interests them right now are their own kidneys and livers.
I want to go to the Big Bad Wolf Sale. But my gustoness is slowly dying away cos no one is supporting me.
Happy songs make me cry, sad songs calms me down. Something is clearly wrong here.
Everyone is making everything so simple, and I'm here getting frustrated because IT ISN'T. At the same time I wonder if I'm making everything more complicated than it really is, and maybe I'm turning into my brother. That scares me, it makes me pissed because if there's one thing I don't want to be, it's my brother. I don't care if old people prefer him more and his morals are probably more mature that your average 23 year old. I don't want to have to be friendless everyday. I don't want to sacrifice social life for what he calls What Everyone Should Have which is a very very sad life. My brother isn't any happier but he says what he's living is what everyone should do - isolate themselves from their friends and being whole. He can go fuck himself. He can bring his stupid ideologies and stuff them up his asshole. Because under no circumstances am I becoming my brother.
I can't talk about these things with people. Cos no one can relate that much. That's okay, I understand. But at the same time I'm sick and tired of people telling me to fucking calm down COS I WILL NOT FUCKING CALM DOWN. I am sick of people giving me unrealistic options. I am sick of people spreading rumours about me. I do not want Form 1 to happen again.
No matter how much people tell me they're "sorry", no I will not forget about Form 1. Don't talk bullshit and tell me you weren't on the "omg why is ezhen so annoying" bandwagon. If you weren't, YOU WOULD'VE FUCKING TALKED TO ME THEN. Jacinta told me to live my life as if tomorrow I'm going to die. I don't do positive things, IF I WERE TO DIE TOMORROW I'LL MAKE SURE I TELL EVERYONE WHAT I REALLY THINK ABOUT THEM. But I still need to live in this world so I'm keeping myself shut lol.
Don't you feel like you've been molding yourself into what your friends want to see that you're slowly losing yourself away and suddenly you don't know who you are and what you want in life anymore? Do you ever have quiet moments to yourself and suddenly realise these moments are just a harsh reminder of how different you are from your friends, and if they find out this darker side of you they won't want to be friends with you ever again?
Don't you ever feel like how everyone is simply not helping? But at the same time you know they are. You know your friends care. You know your parents care. But you don't feel it. You don't feel the care-ness.
to my conflicting personality: go fuck yourself.